Who Is Your DEI Strategy Really For? Why Organizations Must Embrace Discomfort
Think about the last time you learned something that challenged your perspective. Maybe it was a new language or a skill. At first, it might have felt overwhelming, as if you were stepping into a whole new world. But with time, patience, and practice, the discomfort gave way to understanding and change.
The same goes for engaging in diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) work. Conversations about power and privilege inevitably reveal uncomfortable truths and bring up feelings of deep discomfort. This isn’t because these feelings are incorrect; rather, they are uncomfortable because they force us to confront realities we may not have even considered before.
Sometimes, this discomfort becomes a stop sign for organizations. They see employees sitting with these uncomfortable feelings and pull away from DEI entirely.
However, true equity requires change. And change requires discomfort.
The question is not whether we will feel uncomfortable, but how we respond to it when we do. This could be through open discussions and dialogues, implementing key changes, or taking accountability for past actions. Regardless, it plays a big part in how effective DEI training will be.
What Do We Mean When We Say “Embrace Discomfort”?
When we talk about diversity, equity, and inclusion training, we often use the phrase “embrace discomfort”. But for most people, the idea of choosing to be uncomfortable is, in itself, uncomfortable, especially when it comes to conducting conversations about power, privilege, identity, and intersectionality.
But it’s important to remember that discomfort is not an indication of failure. Rather, it is a sign of growth.
In fact, according to a study from 2022, people who step out of their comfort zones tend to be more motivated, make more progress towards their goals, and have an easier time taking a deep dive into new experiences. However, discomfort is often misread as a warning sign rather than a signal we’re on the right track to learn something new. With those heavy feelings, we might retreat and assume the space or experience isn’t for us or that we don’t belong in the conversation at all.
It can be unsettling to recognize the privileges we’ve been afforded, especially when we contrast our experiences against others. But instead of avoiding discussions about anti-racism, privilege, and marginalized communities, discomfort should compel us to lean into learning.
This is all to say that discomfort is not the enemy of progress, but a necessary part of it. But how do we begin to embrace and manage discomfort within DEI work?
The Answer: Decentering Yourself
If embracing discomfort is the first step, decentering yourself is the natural second that gives us space to see real change. But what does it mean to decenter yourself? Does it mean staying silent and stepping aside entirely? Is it simply saying less and listening more?
Not at all! In fact, decentering from DEI conversations isn’t about removing yourself from these important dialogues. Instead, it is about shifting your focus so DEI work isn’t shaped around your personal feelings of guilt and defensiveness. It means focusing instead on the needs and voices of communities and individuals who are most impacted by systemic and everyday inequities.
Centering vs. Decentering When it Comes to DEI
That isn’t to say that decentering from DEI work is easy, especially when we are in the process of learning. Often, when we are centered in DEI work, we unintentionally bring our own feelings into it, sometimes creating false equivalencies between our experiences and those of minority and equity-deserving groups.
You might wonder then: What does this look like? Here’s some examples of phrases or thoughts that demonstrate a center-focused approach within DEI work.
You might say:
❌ “I feel so bad being privileged. Life has been so much easier for me than I realized.”
❌ “I might say the wrong things, so I’m not going to participate.”
❌ “I’ve also had struggles and tough times, so I don’t think these privileges everyone says I have apply to me.”
The common thread here is clear—every thought and every comment comes back to concerns about oneself rather than the experiences of others. It moves away from learning about the pain and struggles marginalized coworkers and communities encounter on a regular, if not daily basis. Instead, our pain and our feelings become the main topic of conversation.
To decenter yourself, these thoughts and phrases would instead look something like this:
✔️ “I see and recognize my own privilege. Is there any way I can use it to amplify marginalized voices and take action to better the experiences of others?”
✔️ “Even though I might say the wrong thing and make mistakes, I am still going to show up, listen, and accept feedback.”
✔️ “Though I have had struggles and hard times, I still benefit from certain privileges.”
The Consequences of Centering Majority Groups
When DEI and anti-racism training is implemented by workplaces, there is always a place for conversations that help majority communities learn and ask questions related to themselves and their privilege. However, it should not be the main point of DEI training. Instead, we should aim to support marginalized employees through strategic choices and learning best practices.
It is notable that this has not always been the case. Education about diversity has been around since the 1960s in the United States, with businesses utilizing training in the late 80s and throughout the 90s to meet civil rights laws and prevent lawsuits. These trainings were focused generally on increasing white Americans’ knowledge, sensitivity, and understanding of the effects of inequities. As our DEI training has become more intersectional, training has extended to other marginalized groups and communities.
Regardless, early DEI education’s goal, at least on paper, remained the same: informing the majority of the pain points and adverse experiences of minority groups. However, this has often meant centering and putting energy into coddling and comforting the white, straight, cisgender majority.
Because of this, equity-seeking groups get lost in the fray, leading to:
Increased Emotional Labor For Marginalized Employees: When training centers on educating the majority rather than addressing systemic issues, marginalized employees are expected to take on the burden of explaining oppression and personal experiences. This is not only an exhausting experience, but can be a traumatizing one.
Superficial and Performative Allyship: Majority groups may learn to understand the plights of equity-seeking groups, but they do not necessarily understand or feel the need to take the steps to change and challenge inequitable workplace practices and policies.
Delayed Progress: Rather than spending energy and time implementing change via policies, procedures, and processes, time is spent convincing the majority that oppression and inequity exists, impeding important change.
Increased resistance to Difficult Conversations: Training that centers around comforting the majority tends to avoid the harsh realities of systemic oppression, which makes progress difficult.
To prevent these outcomes, it is important to pick the right DEI consultant and the appropriate training to match. Without decentering, we risk drawing comparisons between scenarios that are not equitable.
The Next Step: Reframing DEI to Create Systemic Change
As we’ve said previously, decentering DEI efforts doesn’t mean pushing majority groups out of the conversation. Instead, we are shifting our focus. This means:
1. Empowering individuals who are most impacted by inequity
✅ Creating leadership opportunities for underrepresented employees.
✅ Creating policies and initiatives that improve the experiences of marginalized employees.
2. Focus on dismantling systemic inequities
✅ Conducting audits related to policies, procedures, and even pay equity to remove bias from processes such as hiring and promoting.
✅ Baking in not just diversity, but equity and inclusion as well, to ensure underrepresented employees continue to thrive.
3. Encourage accountability and transparency
✅ Holding leadership accountable for implementing and ensuring equitable changes are made throughout your workplace.
✅ Creating anonymous feedback systems for individuals to express their needs without fear of reprisal.
4. Create space for discomfort and emphasize it is a part of growth
As you work towards embracing discomfort and decentering from DEI initiatives, it becomes easier to empathize with and support marginalized employees, and ultimately leads to meaningful change.
✅ Encourage employees—especially majority groups—to sit with their discomfort. A good consultant will create a safe environment for employees to ask their questions and create dialogues.
✅ Emphasize that discomfort is not a sign of being wrong or a reason to express apologies and/or guilt. Instead, it is a sign that we are confronting deeply rooted biases, power structures, and systemic barriers.
Discomfort Creates Pathways to Change
By shifting the focus away from making privileged employees feel at ease and creating real change, workplaces show they are not just implementing DEI to be performative, but transformative. And it’s important to remember: decentering DEI efforts does not mean excluding anyone. Instead, it means ensuring communities and individuals from historically marginalized groups are prioritized, supported, and empowered. It’s about consciously choosing to make workplaces equitable from the ground up.
Discomfort in the process is inevitable, just like anytime we learn something new. But it’s also a sign of progress, and should be recognized as an opportunity to grow, listen, and take action.
So when discomfort arises, the real question is: Will we use it as an excuse to retreat, or as a catalyst for meaningful change?
