A Guide to Non-Violent Communication
You asked your teammate to update the deck by EOD. They didn't. When you followed up, they got defensive. Suddenly you're in a tense back-and-forth about workload and respect. And the deck still isn't done.
Sound familiar?
Most workplace conflicts don't start as conflicts. They start as miscommunications that spiral because we don't have the language to address what's actually happening. Non-violent communication (NVC) gives you that language.
Communication is at the heart of every aspect of our work life. Our dialogues with coworkers matter just as much as our technical skills. But sometimes the way we express ourselves unintentionally creates barriers rather than building connections.
Non-violent communication is a method of empathetic conversation that focuses on understanding and meeting the needs of both the speaker and the listener. Whether you're leading a team, resolving critical conflicts, or simply aiming for more effective workplace communication, NVC provides a practical framework for expressing your needs while honoring others'.
Brief History of Non-Violent Communication
The concept of NVC was developed by Marshall Rosenberg. Growing up in Detroit, Rosenberg witnessed violence frequently, and became curious about its causes and how violence could be reduced. He created the Center of Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) in 1984, using his work during the 1960s Civil Rights Movement, and developed training methodologies for NVC while mediating riots between students and colleges over segregation.
Following the Center’s creation, Rosenberg provided training for NVC to over 60 countries for managers, educations, careworkers, military officers, prisoners, police, government bodies, and individuals. Reconciliation, peaceful resolution, and compassion towards our differences are key pillars in this work.
What is Non-Violent Communication Specifically?
NVC describes a communication framework that aims to create a safe space for all parties involved, where people can express themselves freely and with empathy. It is based on the notion that all humans have the capacity for compassion, and that it can be taught and improved upon with the right guidance.
Additionally, this framework explains that individuals generally only resort to violence or harmful behaviours when they do not have more effective methods to fulfil and express their needs. Therefore, the goal of NVC is to offer a passive path to resolution via non-violent language and behaviors, ideally leading to peaceful resolutions.
Other aspects of NVC include:
Addressing Underlying Needs
NVC educates us that beneath the surface of any conflict lies unmet needs. This could be for anything and everything, from respect to security, both emotionally and physically.
It encourages individuals to dig deep and explore their feelings in order to effectively communicate them.
Within inclusivity practices, NVC is a practice that helps work towards inclusive workspaces, emphasizing the importance of valuing and hearing everyone.
Avoiding Blame and Criticism
Without proper training or empathetic listening skills, our traditional responses to conflict tend to rely on locating someone to blame and critiquing them.
When we begin to blame and critique without proper technique (i.e. focusing on problem-solving and solutions rather than personal attacks) people may become defensive and, in all likelihood, the actual problem will not be solved, and meets remain unmet.
Combining NVC tools with thought approaches to conflict de-escalation can help make high-stress conversations more manageable. With the right techniques, both practices work together to guide tense moments back toward calm, constructive dialogue.
Practicing Active Listening and Reflection
NVC emphasizes listening and understanding rather than just responding. This means your full attention to a speaker without judgement, and getting clarity when needed.
This helps prevent misunderstandings while fostering connection, especially in areas where there is often disconnect.
Taking Responsibility for Your Emotions
NVC teaches us that, rather than believing our emotions come from the actions, activities, and beliefs of others, our emotional reactions come from our unmet needs.
By shifting our thought process, we take responsibility for our reactions and emotions, and it naturally becomes easier for us to engage in problem-solving.
The Four Components of Non-Violent Communication
1. Observations
By observing rather than focusing on judging or evaluating, we create a safe space for the speaker to share their experiences without fear of criticism or judgment.
For example…
🚫 You might say: “You’re always late for work! Something has to change.”
👌 Instead, try: “I noticed that you’ve been 30 minutes late the past few days. Is there anything we can do to help fix that?”
Here, rather than focusing on blame we shift the responsibility to solving the problem (an employee’s lateness) together, without critiquing. It also indicates that we are coming from a place of understanding, which helps prevent defensive reactions and helps us work towards solving the problem.
2. Feelings
Through acknowledgement of our feelings, we can communicate more authentically and connect with others on a deeper level.
For example…
🚫 You might say: “You’re always late and it’s so frustrating for everyone.”
👌 Instead, try: “When someone is late, I tend to get anxious and stressed that we may not be able to complete our tasks on time.”
With this example, we are focusing on our feelings rather than assuming the feelings of others. By centering ourselves in this respect, we are able to more accurately and effectively communicate.
3. Needs
When we are able to clearly identify and clarify our needs, we can verbalize them to others to create mutually beneficial solutions.
For example…
🚫 You might say: “You’re late and it’s causing problems for everyone. It’s disrespectful.”
👌 Instead, try: “I noticed you’ve been late quite a bit lately. Can we outline some clear expectations and shift our timelines so they are more realistic and so you can work more comfortably and effectively?”
By outlining our needs and expectations, we can make more reasonable and actionable solutions for fixing problems. Remember, the goal of communicating needs with our coworkers is to give space for them to offer potential solutions as well, and come up with a game plan together.
4. Requests
Asking for what we want and need means inviting the other party to take action to help meet our expectations.
For example…
🚫 You might say: “Next time you can’t be late, it messes up my timelines.”
👌 Instead, try: “Can you let me know in advance when you’re running late next time, so I can plan ahead accordingly?”
By asking for what we need, we create a scenario where we are kindly asking for change with the other person’s assistance. This way, instead of focusing on blame or expressing frustration directly, we are leveraging our emotions to find a solution that will ultimately assist both parties.
Using all four components of NVC, we can create a safe space for ourselves and others.
Observation helps us communicate what we see and hear without judgment.
Feelings help us connect with others emotionally and build understanding.
Needs to help us identify what we value and what we need to feel satisfied.
Requests help us communicate what we need from others in a clear and non-threatening way.
Integrating Non-Violent Communication Into Your Workplace Culture
NVC isn't just a tool for one-on-one conversations. It's a framework that can shape how your entire organization communicates. When teams adopt NVC principles collectively, it influences everything from how feedback is given to how conflicts are resolved.
In 2024, the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) created an inclusivity vertical to deepen their organizational commitment to belonging and equity. Their work demonstrates how NVC principles naturally support inclusive workplace cultures, not as separate initiatives, but as integrated practice.
Here's how NVC principles map onto building a healthier workplace culture:
Communicating Observations Without Judgement ➡️ Creating Accountability Without Blame
Effective workplace cultures focus on solving problems, not assigning fault. NVC teaches us to observe without judgment, which means reframing statements like "Leadership doesn't care about our concerns" into something more productive: "We've noticed our feedback hasn't been addressed in recent meetings. Can we discuss how to move forward?"
Naming Our Feelings ➡️ Building Psychological Safety
Workplace frustrations often stay vague: "Meetings are a waste of time." NVC encourages specificity: "I need clearer agendas so I can prepare effectively and contribute meaningfully." This shift from complaint to actionable request drives real change.
Making Requests ➡️ Turning Conversations Into Action
Culture change stalls when discussions don't lead to concrete next steps. NVC emphasizes making clear, doable requests. Instead of "We need better communication," teams learn to ask: "Can we commit to a weekly check-in to align on priorities?" That's how intentions become outcomes.
The Benefits of Non-Violent Communication at Work
Improved relationships with others — When a manager uses NVC to address a missed deadline, the conversation shifts from "You dropped the ball" to "I noticed the report wasn't finished. Can we talk about what got in the way?" The problem gets solved and the relationship stays intact.
Reduced conflict and tension — Instead of a team member saying "You never listen to my ideas," NVC reframes it as "When my suggestions aren't discussed in meetings, I feel overlooked. Could we set aside time to review them together?" The issue gets addressed without anyone getting defensive.
Increased self-awareness and emotional intelligence — NVC encourages you to pause and ask: "What am I actually feeling right now? What do I need?" This shift from reactive responses to intentional communication helps you show up more effectively in high-stakes conversations.
More effective communication in professional settings — Non-violent communication strategies can help us interact more effectively in both personal and professional settings, leading to greater success and satisfaction in our meetings.
When NVC Isn't Enough: What to Do When Conversations Escalate
Non-violent communication is powerful but it's not a magic solution for every tense moment. Sometimes emotions run too high, power dynamics complicate things, or the other person simply won't engage constructively.
That's when conflict de-escalation skills become essential. While NVC helps you prevent tension from building, de-escalation gives you tools to manage it when things have already gone sideways: when someone's voice is raised, when you're being interrupted, or when the conversation feels like it's spiraling out of control.
The good news? These skills work together. NVC teaches you how to communicate with clarity and empathy. De-escalation teaches you what to do when clarity and empathy aren't enough in the moment.
Applying Non-violent Conversation Consistently
Applying non-violent communication in our daily lives can be challenging but rewarding. Here are some tips for practicing NVC in everyday conversations:
Be mindful of your language by using words that are non-judgmental, clear, and specific. Avoid using words that trigger negative emotions or criticism.
Practice active listening by not interrupting when someone is speaking, coming into conversations with an open mind, and understanding their perspective.
Identify and be aware of your feelings and needs so you can communicate from a place of honesty and respect.
Practice empathy by putting yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their perspective. Use phrases like "I hear you" or "I understand how you feel."
Ultimately, working consistently to communicate with empathy and understanding is the key for building trust, fostering collaboration, and achieving shared goals between leaders and employees.
The Importance Continuing to Practice Empathetic Language
Changing communication habits is, without a doubt, challenging, but the importance of using NVC throughout your workplace cannot be overstated. Of course, it is essential to remember that non-violent communication is not a one-time solution to all communication problems. Rather, it is a lifelong practice of empathetic and respectful communication. It is a journey that requires dedication, commitment, and perseverance. Of course, old habits might resurface, especially in moments of stress or conflict. But progress isn’t about perfection; rather, it’s about persistence.
By choosing to communicate with intention and compassion, we lay the foundation for stronger workplace relationships. Be kind to yourself and others, and keep in mind that meaningful change takes time and effort, and is often an uncomfortable experience.
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Thankfully, NVC doesn’t depend on other person following the framework - though that would make things easier!
Focus on curiosity, clearly conveying your needs, and neutral language to model a tone that encourages the other person to soften as well. Even when tensions stay high, you can prevent escalation and keep dialogue moving towards your goals.
‘NVC doesn’t depend on the other person following the same framework. By focusing on curiosity, clear needs, and grounded language, you can model a safer tone that often encourages the other person to soften as well. Even when tensions stay high, your consistency can prevent escalation and keep dialogue moving.
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As with any conflict, it helps to slow the moment down and pause. Taking a deep breath and, if possible, think of a clarifying question or even saying, “I need a moment to think” can prevent reactive or rude responses.
NVC is all about intention, not perfection, so aim for small shifts to reshape conversations.
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Non-violent communication creates a framework to helps people stay present, listen actively, and respond with clarity instead of reacting from stress or frustration.
In moments where emotions run high, pairing NVC with gentle approaches to conflict de-escalation can make it easier to slow things down and reduce tension overall.
Together, these skills support conversations that feel safer, calmer, and more constructive for everyone involved.
